Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
