I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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