Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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