He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
