You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
