I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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