My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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