Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
