Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
