You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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