I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
