Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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