I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
