i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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