Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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