you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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