you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
