youre lurking in front of me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
