Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
