made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Houston, we have a squirter
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
