dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just pee around me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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