I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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