OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
