I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
