I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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