Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
