I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
