if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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