everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
