By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
