and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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