My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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