Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
