No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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