My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
