I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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