I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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