yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Randomize
