Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
