dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
