Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
