I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
nutella sex= disaster
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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