I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
