Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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