Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
