I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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