Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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