i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
