Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
