I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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