You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
