I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
